Mapping it out is the 2nd deep dive post in the Sound of You Series.
As a coach, this is one of my favorite parts because mapping things out to see all the possible outcomes is just fun! It’s the logistical way my brain works. I see potential obstacles and love brainstorming ways to keep those obstacles from stopping you dead in your tracks.
A map is always a great idea! It is a visual which shows you what needs to happen first. Let’s face it, when we are in the beginning or middle of a big transition, we are overwhelmed and our brain is on overload. We cannot think straight and having eyes to see a plan in front of us is life-giving!
Being honest about all the problems created by this transition is hard but necessary. Having someone to bounce solutions off of is unavoidable. You have to remove the denial, get real, and voice them.
The first thing I would encourage you to do is a brain dump. What is a brain dump? A vomit of all the thoughts and questions in your mind. (Sorry for the graphic image, but it really is that) Get it all on paper. This clears your head a bit and you can now “see” all the things!
After having brain dumped all over the place, I ask myself 3 questions:
1. What is the biggest emergency?
2. Who do I trust to help?
3. What are possible solutions?
These questions help put everything in order because we need just a glimpse of order to get us through the current emergency. Do not dance around it. Name the crisis! We cannot fix what we cannot name.
Next, draw a circle and list out all your people who could lend their knowledge to your current emergency. The circle is important and here’s why: Not everyone needs all the details of your life. Those inside your circle know it all. They are your trusted advisors and sounding board. I call them my board of directors. Your circle has to get smaller because too many voices lead right back to anxiety. Everyone else who is outside your circle is someone who can help but they get the elevator speech of your life. Your elevator speech consists of 2-3 sentences that are a general answer to your life. No details, just an elevator speech.
The one thing I learned going through a divorce is I had to be willing to ask for help. As a friend once told me, “It’s for a season! It won’t be forever!” This lessened the guilt and shame I felt for not being able to do it all myself. I had no choice but to learn to ask as the unchartered waters were raging around me. I was dazed and confused and had no idea what was next.
Finally, I want you to write down a list of questions (there are no dumb questions because you have not traveled this road before) for each person. Some may be the same questions to different people.
I want you to be courageous enough to ask those questions. Take copious notes on the answers. You won’t remember them if you don’t.
I have walked in your shoes. The transition from a marriage of 25 years to divorce and an empty nester at the same time was the hardest period of my life! Those inside my circle are still here after 9 years.
If you want some “been-there-and-done that” help, please reach out. You can find me at www.tonithrash.com and @tonithrash on IG.
I have an exciting tool headed your way at the close of this series. If you want to be included in all the things, subscribe to my email list www.tonithrash.com Let’s walk together through this time!